coldstones high!

fawk an unbelieveable high in seconds !!!!! all you need is: coffee&birthdaycake gummy bears marshmellows grahamcrackercrust blackcherries eat about 4 spoonfuls and sit back.. in about 10 mins you will be: dancing around to Diva daydreaming about your future with __________ blogging up a storm texting like crazy collaging your brains out checkin out your favorite blog drowling over shoes on page 137 planning a trip to singapore telling your bestie that you will visit her everywhere she goes while she is in the Airforce planning your outfit for that party that you are planning in your head.. all in under 5mins.. ROFLMAO! no fawkin joke! plus like hella more! but it think im catchin my downs now.. just sittin still bloggin.. lol.. thats normal right lol! okay.. thats it im bored now.. listenin to heart aint a brain.. [yes i know, but i love that song! if i deleted a song everytime someone did something stupid then.. shit my itunes would be empty.. kinda] gonna kick back now.. finish the collage that was inspired by him.. and work off that icecream with some pushups and situps fawk

drive..

falling back on to my old insecurities is making me weak and numb to all the things that need to stand up too.. i have to be able to do this with my head held high.. instead of letting other people control what i do what i feel what i think what i want and need i need to stand up for myself again take back control of my life and drive.. i no longer feel like i know me.. its sad when music is what makes you wake up.. but im glad up because i really needed my eyes opened.. thank you chester! youve always known and felt what ive known and felt!

stay..

"you'll get it and be gone and i'll be cryin.." my heart is always on my sleeve when it comes to but i like the anticipation of it.. i like not knowing what is gonna be next with you.. i like being confused.. its my addicition.. my adreniline high.. my drug.. because i know that in all actuality you dont really hurt me.. okay you do hurt me but not deep down where it matters.. you leave me hanging, waiting for your next step, your next phone call text email visit.. but it isnt only me that is hanging.. you are too.. guess this really is a game for two.. ever since you gave me rules, ive turned this into a private game.. a way to help me from falling completely into insanity!.. so the tally is up.. and i believe that we have a tie.. you are edging into the lead though.. but i have a major advantage that just might end up being my winning hand later down the road.. i cant wait for this summer =] finally this game will be done with and we can both go about our business.. our lives will no longer orbit around each others.. pulling on one another. i will be free of you. this summer

he's leaving here.. i'm leaving him..

crying crying crying and yelling.. thats all we do now.. you try to make me feel better i cry more you make me feel sad i cry harder.. i remember that you are leaving and my heart breaks to a thousand pieces.. you grab the glue and piece it back together while wiping the tears from my face.. i ask you to please use the glue and stick you to me.. i love you so much i dont want you to leave.. these past two months have felt like an eternity every night you sleeping with me.. im not ready to go back to reality.. i want to fufill all of my fantasies before you leave.. it hurts so bad to breathe.. but i wont let you beg me please.. you say, "dont let me let you go" on your knees.. but i know that i have to set you free.. [tears] i love you baby! always and forever you will be my first love my true love! everywhere i go everything i do you will be in my heart i dont want to have to set you free.. but we both know thats what has to be.. stop loving me please.. i really need you to

watching the wheels - john lennon.. cause this is hawaii.. n its raining on my day off!

view from my bedroom window.. ergh yes it does look sunny.. but hello.. it can still rain while the sun is shining.. apparently im suppost to stay home all day.. yuck! i want to go to the beach!

::boringness::

RULES: . Put your iTunes, Windows Media Player, etc. on shuffle. . For each question, press the next button to get your answer. . YOU MUST WRITE THAT SONG NAME DOWN NO MATTER HOW SILLY IT SOUNDS. . Have Fun! IF SOMEONE SAYS 'ARE YOU OKAY' YOU SAY? girlfriend - alicia keys HOW WOULD YOU DESCRIBE YOURSELF? luckenbach, texas - kenny chesney WHAT DO YOU LIKE IN A GUY/GIRL? strong enough - sheryl crow HOW DO YOU FEEL TODAY? give it up to me - sean paul ft. keyshia cole WHAT IS YOUR LIFE'S PURPOSE? yesterday - the beatles WHAT'S YOUR MOTTO? hollywood - jay z =] WHAT DO YOUR FRIENDS THINK OF YOU? these are the moments - sara evans [omg! cute] WHAT DO YOUR PARENTS THINK OF YOU? pakisabi nalang - aiza seguera WHAT DO YOU THINK ABOUT VERY OFTEN? best of me - mya ft. jayz WHAT IS 2 + 2? smile - lyle lovett WHAT DO YOU THINK OF YOUR BEST FRIEND? truth is - fantasia WHAT IS YOUR LIFE STORY? rapture - blondie =] WHAT DO YOU WANT TO BE WHEN YOU GROW UP? rock lobster - the B-52's WHAT DO YOU THINK WHEN YOU SEE THE PERSON YOU LIKE? heaven tonight - lea salonga [hell yeah!] WHAT WILL YOU DANCE TO AT YOUR WEDDING? love shack - the B-52's.. ergh.. yuck! WHAT WILL THEY PLAY AT YOUR FUNERAL? mr. carter - lil wayne ft. jay z [hmm] WHAT IS YOUR HOBBY/INTEREST?? move ya body - nina sky WHAT IS YOUR BIGGEST FEAR? laughing out loud - the wallflowers WHAT IS YOUR BIGGEST SECRET? i cant stop raving - DDune WHAT DO YOU WANT RIGHT NOW? breakdown (a long way from home) - kris kristofferson WHAT DO YOU THINK OF YOUR FRIENDS? cant believe it - tpain ft justin timberlake WHAT WILL YOU POST THIS AS? watching the wheels - john lennon

creativity hangover

ergh! im so oc [obsessive compolsive] right now.. i need to fricken sleep.. but i cant cause thoughts of you are in my head.. and im missin you like crazy! everytime you ignore me i go through this shit!.. and what really sucks is that babe is here sleep.. clueless to the insanity im going through.. i love him.. but you have a part of my heart that he will never have! call me damn you! you have no excuse, other than to fuck with my head!.. i mean why even text to say you are back and then say you are gonna call if you arent gonna follow through?.. ergh! so sucky this is! =[ i feel like a capital bitch cause im stressin over you while he is here to visit me.. and he is sick.. vday is what two days away.. and all i can think about is you! [tear] i dont want to do this anymore! i want to be over this so i can live happily ever after.. get married.. have kids.. the whole enchillada.. however i have been a good girl! ive spent all this time being creative making babes a vday present to add to our scrapbook.. so cute.. i just gotta hide it so he doesnt see it before the big plans on saturday.. i really hope he is feeling better so that we can spend the day at the beach!.. weather please cooperate! nice and sunshiny please! =] so much i want to do for him.. this will be our first vday actually being together.. over the last 10 years ive know him.. weve spent quite a few vdays together as friends.. and sometimes more.. but never official like we are right now =] i think i may be able to sleep now.. gonna go cuddle with babes now.. maybe i will wake him up to tell him i love him.. [the only love of my life! J.J.C. de la Cruz]

wish you were

went on a mini shopping spree after confirming that i did recieve a bonus @ work.. just kinda needed to get out of the house and away from my laptop so i wouldnt check my email every 4 mins to see if you emailed <3> "now i see the denial in my eyes" headed to waikiki - bought the first item! RED UMBRELLA =] walked down the strip.. -bought other items! CALIFORNIA NECKLACE from ROXY 88TEES TANK from 88TEES PLUMERIA CHARM from 88TEES THIGH - HIGH SOCKS from AMERICAN APPAREL TEAL HEAD BAND from AMERICAN APPAREL SILVER HEAD BAND from AMERICAN APPAREL Cc TEE from AMERICAN APPAREL retail therapy always makes me feel a lil bit better=] came home talked to the hmegrl bout relations n loves "confusion n self doubt" for a min. talked about our plans for VDAY with our significant others gave me ideas about what i want to do with my hmegrl for our 4yrs of being friends! in addition to spending the whole day on the beach =] been stuck on "wish you were" all day.. cause i am a utopian citizen.. maybe it has something to do with the fact that that person came back to reality yesterday.. and left me hanging as usual? =/ i named the three things that are always with me today! can you tell that i need a life outside of my life?! my camera's name is MOSHI my ipod's name is AKAYA my blackberries name is SAYURI and before you say it.. yes i know that i dont need to carry around a camera or a ipod if i have a blackberry.. but MOSHI n AKAYA would feel so neglected if i left them at home and i dont play favorites =] my final objects from my previous shopping spree arrive in the mail in the morning.. USC TEE from VICTORIA'S SECRET 5 PAIR OF UNDIES from VICTORIA'S SECRET =] i miss being able to go on a spree through there in person.. Oahu hurry up and build that victoria's ssecret!

Gone away are the golden daysJust a page in my diary

So here I am, a utopian citizen

Still convinced there's no such thing as idealism

Memories they're following me like a shadow nowAnd I'm dreaming

And I've already suffered the fever of disbelief

I've seen your act

And I know all the facts

I'm still in love with who I wish you were

It ain't hard to see

Who you are underneath

I'm still in love with who I wish you were

And I wish you were here

I was true as the sky is blue

I couldn't soon say the same for you

So now I find denial in my eyes

I'm mesmerized by the picture that's in my mind

Tell me when I'll finally see your shallow heart

For what it is

Cause I don't want to keep on believing in illusions

[Chorus]Sometimes I can't explain

And I'm so sorry that I can't

I'll try to concentrate

On your true identity

[Chorus]

in other news.. i went to a few of the probowl events last weekend

cant believe that they are taking it away from hawaii next year =[

anywhos.. it was fun..

spent most of the time watching the military events..

and then on saturday night i saw rebel souljahz preform on waikiki beach..

cool shits..

the whole waikiki strip was shut down! =] awesome!

really wish that the hmegrl was there to chill with me in person

we drank over the phone that night

first time in a while! =]

right now preparing for moms visit!

so not sure bout that one but what can i do?

guess i should get off of this and give babes some attention..

catch some zzZZzZZZZzzZZzZZZzZzzZZzZzZZzZz's..

gewdnite

im still in love with who i wish you were.. wish you were here

this isnt nothing.. this matters to me!

its so hard living here on my own.. knowing that you are over a thousand miles away.. when i know that we are together even if we are far apart.. i wonder if you feel the same things that i do.. i sleep alone.. i cry alone.. i breathe alone.. wishing that i had your arms around me in every moment of everyday.. i know that we may not even have a fighting chance but i dont want to sleep alone.. i dont want to cry alone.. i want to be in a place that you have made home.. cause i dont want to die alone.. bring me home soon! no matter what language i try.. its useless to try and translate.. no matter what dictionary i use.. its pointless to try and define.. what i feel for you is like trying to have a child color inside the lines.. we know no boundaries.. we stick to no rules.. everything that is us is wild and free.. it doesnt bend to laws of gravity.. it doesnt know social graces.. it speaks no language.. its lead by the heart.. and the heart alone.. no one can tame it.. no one can explain it.. we just are.. you are.. we are love

all that matters between us is the bottom line.. i am loved by you.. and you are loved by me.. at the end of the day.. when everything else is confusion.. i know, deep down inside where no one can see.. that if i have been loved and given love.. in my life.. i was loved by you!