what is my reason for living? what is my purpose? i know it is to serve god. to be on earth, his reflection. to be kind and self sacrificing. honest and humble. treat others respect and consideration. love and cherish all. but what is my purpose, my goal, my task? i know that i am drawn to certain things. music and culture draw me in. if we think in simile, that would be like eve being drawn in by the snake with the apple. so are those things forbidden to me? if not what is? i have heard all my life what others say is forbidden, what i shouldn't do but what is it that god says i shall not do? what was i meant to do? i try to be there for people when they need me but i live a pretty selfish life.. but don't we all? how do i go about living in these times and find out what i was born to do? where do i go? who do i listen to? where do i turn when i am down and i need guidance? if everyone sins, how do i know that someone else's sins wont bring me off the path that i am suppose to be on? how do i find the righteous and just way of life? do i go to church more? read the bible? pray harder? which church? which parts of the bible? what do i pray for? how do i know that the voice i am hearing is god's answer from the devil's lies trying to steer me wrong? they aren't always obvious? why is it that i only pray when i am taken off guard? is that a bad thing?
i believe it is a good thing that my first reaction is to ask help from god. however, i need to ask for god's guidance not only in times of desperation but of hope and happiness as well. i need to remember to say thank you and be grateful for everything that he has brought me through in my life. i need to stop with the lies and the drama, the hurt, and mistrust, self-disrespect. i need to have more faith in myself because if i am the light of the lord then i am bright just like him. i need to believe that i can bring myself to a better place with his guidance.
lord i need your help. i open up myself to you to mold me and pour out of me what you might. i need change in my life. i need structure. yes i work five days a week. but where am i going with that? i need guidance on the next step i should take. the next level of my life, i want it to be guided by you. please order my steps lord. keep me on your path. give me the strength to do the things that you want me to do. give me the strength to avoid the things that are not for me. in your name lord, amen
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